My grandma (my mother’s mum) passed away this month, April 16th. Aged 80. Heart fail and lung cancer.
It is very difficult to describe how I feel. I never thought that it’d happen so quickly.
She always said that she was fine and refused to go to the hospital so none of us ever knew that she was sick. Until we could easily tell something was wrong, she finally admitted that she was sick but still refusing to go to the hospital until it was way too late. She was in the hospital for only 20 days before she was gone. I still remember the night when she finally agreed to go, the doctor said that she was quite in danger straight away.
Some part of my heart still could not accept the fact that she has already gone. She did not even leave a word to us. She just left like that. When I was holding her ashes on the way to the grave, I just could not stop thinking about this. She has been all gone. The grandma who used to take care of me when I was a little kid, taught me drawing, read Gorky to me, took me to the playgrounds and bought me snacks secretly, has been all gone.
And I do not know when I am able to accept this fact completely. I know everyone dies eventually but it is just never easy to say goodbye to someone so important in your life. When death takes away a beloved grandparent, it also takes away those warm childhood memories, those things and feelings that we will not have again in our life. It takes away something happy, something young in ourselves. And that something never really returns.
But in the end, no matter how hard it is, no matter how sad it is, we still have to say goodbye and let time heal the pain.
Goodbye, grandma. I’ll be good and happy as you always wished. Thank you. I love you.